Warning: Some may find the subject matter within this chapter disturbing. Please use discretion.
I lay alone in the delivery room.
It had been a long, hard delivery.
The nurses took my baby away before I
could even see her, then I was left alone.
My husband was away on a business trip
out of town. He couldn’t make it back in
time to witness the birth of his baby girl.
The delivery room door opened…
… and a nurse walked in.
“You’re looking good…everything seems to
be returning to normal,” she said looking at the monitor next to my bed.
The nurse was fairly young…maybe in her
mid twenties. She had black hair that
stopped just beneath her shoulders. What stood out though was the very worried,
sad look on her face.
“Nurse, what is it? Is it my baby? What’s wrong with my baby?” I tried not to
yell, but it was hard to hold down my emotions.
I knew that the nurse could hear my pain.
“I…um…let
me get you to your room,” she said, ignoring my questions.
She helped me into a wheelchair, busying
herself with the task so she could avoid giving me any answers.
The nurse opened the delivery room door
and wheeled me into the hallway.
So many thoughts ran through my
mind. I thought maybe she was taking me
to see my baby…but when we passed the nursery, I became even more worried and
scared.
“What happened? What happened to my baby?” I asked once again.
“Let
me get you to your room, then…you’ll know more.”
Know more? What did that mean? My baby couldn’t be…could she?
Could my baby be dead? The
thought brought tears to my eyes.
As the tears threatened to roll over the
rims of my eyes, the nurse opened the door to a regular hospital room. She pushed me over to the bed and helped me
get in it.
“I’ll be right back…”she said…the sad
look returned to her face.
I stopped her as she was about to turn
and leave. “Can you please tell me
something?”
She started to say something, but
hesitated before continuing…“It’s best that I show you,” she said before
walking through the door.
I felt sick to my stomach as I watched
the door close behind her; scared of what I would see when the door opened once
again.
Was the nurse going to let me see
my baby…before they took her to the morgue?
My strength was gone. I sank down; under the covers, and started
crying.
Why was I forced to go through this
alone? And how would I tell my husband
that our baby was gone?
“Here she is…” The nurse said. The door
softly closed behind her.
I felt foolish for all of the tears and
bad thoughts. The nurse had pushed a bassinet on wheels into the room.
As the nurse pushed the bassinet closer, I
could
see my baby’s feet busily moving around.
The nurse picked my baby up and carried
her to my bed.
The relief I felt when she placed my baby
into my arms was indescribable. My
daughter was not only alive, but very lively and active.
But I found it strange that there was a
piece of gauze covering her right eye.
Without asking why, I slowly removed the
gauze from my baby’s face…
I got a good look at my daughter and
gasped in horror. My baby’s right eye
was gone. There was nothing there, but a
big black knot.
I screamed and shoved the baby back into
the nurse’s arms.
“Oh my God!” I didn’t know what to think
and couldn’t think of anything else to say.
All I felt were dreams and high expectations being shattered.
My baby…my supposed miracle baby…the baby
that my husband wasn’t even sure he even wanted at first…
The baby that was my very last chance at
saving a doomed marriage…
My baby…Nick’s baby…our baby was flawed…disabled. Tears
were uncontrollable.
“Please…just go…just take her!” I yelled as my insides balled up into a mass
of hurt and disappointment.
The nurse replaced the gauze on the
baby’s face and walked toward the door.
“Let me know when you want me to bring her back,” she paused, “You just
need to bond with her,” she added…her voice sad but
hopeful.
Bond with her…the
last thing I could think of was bonding. I could think of this baby being the
last straw…the thing that would be the end of my marriage.
I screamed and screamed. I couldn’t let my husband see this baby.
What would he say? How would be react? What had I done wrong to cause our child to
be…damaged?
My body convulsed violently as I
sobbed.
The nurse returned to give me a shot to
calm me down. I fought her; my thoughts
completely irrational.
I tried to get up, “Please, I need to go
now. I can’t…”
The drugs kicked in and I quickly calmed
down. I lay quietly in the bed, but my
thoughts were going wild… Oh god!
My baby…it’s just awful. It’s a
nightmare. What was I to do?
Finally, my mind slowed until I was left
with one final thought - my
husband couldn’t see that baby, he just couldn’t. I drifted
off to sleep
Labels: I Stole Evil
