Nick’s love for Carmina was more like an
obsession. He was protective of her and
revered her more and more each day.
Carmina’s
first birthday was a month away, but Nick started planning and buying gifts for
her six months before.
In fact, every extra penny he had went to
Carmina. He even stopped going away on
business trips and constantly apologized to her for not being there during her
birth.
On the morning of Carmina’s
first birthday, Nick was very happy. He
smiled all morning and woke up extra early to make sure she was dressed and
ready for her party.
He also made sure everything was set up
perfect. There was a cake and a buffet
table with enough food to feed half of the neighborhood.
I couldn’t help but be worried over the
extra expense, but I didn’t say anything because my husband was the happiest
he’d been in a long time and our relationship seemed to have improved a lot now
that Carmina was here. She brought a lot
of beauty and joy into our lives.
Even at her young age, she knew how to
charm. All eyes were on her as she
delighted the party guests with her toddler gibberish and big cheesy smiles.
Nick wasn’t the only one who wanted to
spoil her. Her birthday guests showered
her with so many gifts, that we had to start storing some of them in our
upstairs landing…
…because her room was already full of
gifts and toys
“You’re daddy’s beautiful angel…You
deserve all this and more. I love you so
much,” I heard Nick whisper as Carmina’s
birthday guests began to disperse.
There was no doubt that Nick loved
Carmina and felt that she was beautiful.
The proof was on our walls…which were filled with images of Carmina.
In the back of our house, in the hallway,
Nick had a small office space. The walls
were full of pictures. There were
pictures of every moment of Carmina’s
life that Nick could capture on film.
By Carmina’s
second birthday, she had enough dolls, clothes, books, shoes, games, puzzles
and stuffed animals to open a 'just-for-girl’s' store.
She was beginning to show her
spoiled-ness and wanted everything that she saw…
…And Nick was always there to buy it or
accommodate her in anyway she demanded.
“It’s
okay honey…you can stay on it for as long as you want to.”
We were raising a monster and all I did
in those first years was stand by and watch it happen. Nick was oblivious to it all.
All he saw was a pretty little girl that
needed his love and attention, so he showered her with it day after day…
…And year after year.
By her third birthday party, Carmina had
so much stuff that it now began to fill our living room…
…And our backyard.
Our finances suffered greatly because of
Nick’s purchases. It worried me so much
that I decided to finally confront him about it.
Nick walked into the bedroom one evening
raving about Carmina as usual…”Diane, do you realize how blessed we are to have
such a sweet daughter? There’s no way
there could ever be another child as special as she is.”
“I know Nick…but I’m worried,” I said
hoping that he would be receptive to my concerns since he was in such a great
mood.
“What could you possibly be worried
about?” Nick asked as if everything in
the world was perfect.
“Our
finances…and Carmina,” I started…
“You know that the demotion you took
after you decided to stop traveling really decreased our income quite a bit and
I don’t think we can afford to keep buying Carmina so much
stuff. Nick…you have to stop spoiling her, ” I finished.
Nick
looked thoughtful as if he were considering what I was suggesting.
Suddenly he chuckled and threw my last
words back at me, “Spoiling her? Really
Diane?”
The expression on his face was
unsettling and I was a little afraid to continue, but I did…
“Sweetie…just hear me out. She’s starting to want everything she
sees…and…well Nick…we can’t afford to keep buying everything.”
“Spoiling her?! For God’s sake Diane…what else do you expect
me to do? It’s what you do for your
children…especially a child as beautiful and special as she is. She deserves the best and I’m going to give
it to her!”
“What
if she wasn’t born beautiful?” I asked him suddenly…the first time ever
mentioning anything to him relating to the baby that I had actually given birth
to.
“She was born
beautiful Diane! So there’s no ‘what if’ about
it.” Nick’s words were like a slap in the face.
He was extremely angry and for the first time in our marriage, I thought
he would hit me.
I could see that there was no use in
arguing. Nick was obsessed with Carmina’s
beauty just as I was when I first saw her in the hospital.
“I’m going to bed,” Nick said,
effectively ending any further discussion.
I stood there afraid and shivering as
Nick pulled back the covers on the bed.
As he laid down, I realized that our
marriage would never be the same. There
was no way I could compete with the consuming obsession he had for
Carmina.
Unable to stay in the room with him
another minute…I left the room and allowed anger to swell up from my belly and
take control over my emotions.
But who was I really mad at? As quickly as it rose up…the anger left;
deflating rapidly like a released balloon.
I watched Carmina as she slept realizing
that I had created my own hell. I could
be mad at no one but myself.
While everyone else was becoming overcome
with obsession…my feelings went in the opposite direction. Nick was blinded by her beauty and she was
all that mattered, but I could see the situation for what it was.
“She’ll
get you when she turns four,” I thought as the dream I had a
few years ago echoed through my head. I
could feel the blood drain from my head and I began to feel faint as I realized
that the dream was prophetic and my horror would soon begin.
Labels: I Stole Evil
