I stood there staring at my biological
daughter, while she stared back at me with an air of uncertainty.
“Hello?” She said in an unsure tone; no doubt caused
by me…a stranger at her door.
She stepped out onto the porch and closed
the door behind her as if she were afraid that I would try to rush into her
home.
“Hi there, may I help you?” She said after I still had not
responded.
I took the time to look at my daughter…
really look at her.
Her damaged eye was covered in a light
colored eye patch, but she seemed to carry herself with confidence; as if her
disfigurement didn’t matter. She looked
even more like I did at her age in person than she did in the picture. We had the exact same lips. She was pretty… not flawlessly beautiful like
Carmina, but very, very pretty.
“Do you have the wrong house?” She asked.
I
knew that I was quickly crossing the line into being creepy. I had to figure out what to say to her. I wanted to tell Christina that I was her
mother… that I was here to protect her; make sure she was safe. “I, um…” I began, but nothing else would come
out.
I turned away from her; realizing that I
couldn’t do it.
“Are you lost?” She asked; her voice so
compassionate that it almost brought tears to my eyes. Anybody else would have been ready to call
the cops on me if I were standing on their porch; barely able to speak.
“I’m sorry,” I said slowly; although I
wasn’t saying it for the reason she probably thought I was. I was apologizing for everything that I had
done to her. “I have the wrong house,” I
said, not able to turn to her and lie to her face.
When I finally faced her again, I was
once again tempted to tell her everything.
I wanted to tell her that I had always loved her and that leaving her
was the biggest mistake of my life. I
wanted to tell her about her father…about how great he was and how much he
would have adored her.
But when I looked at her clothing; which
indicated that she was probably a college student and my eyes caught sight of
the ring she was wearing on her left hand… a ring that looked a lot like an
engagement ring…
I couldn’t do it. She had a future and there was no way that I
was going to disrupt her life. The nurse
who adopted Christina had been a good mother to her. Who was I to step in and potentially break
down everything that she had done in raising my child in a way that I wasn’t
woman enough to do?
“Sorry,” I said once again as I stepped
down from the porch. My daughter was an
innocent victim… I would have to deal with Carmina
on my own.
But it hurt
me to leave that day. Each step that I
took away from her reminded me of the day that I had abandoned her 20 years
ago.
Still… I wondered if she had any idea of
who I was. Once again, I was left
wondering if she felt the connection…the pull at her heart that I felt? For a moment, I desperately wanted her
to.
Feeling that I was being selfish, I
hastened my pace. She didn’t need to
know who I was; knowing would only bring her pain. She stood on the porch and watched me for a
few moments as I hurried away.
Finally, to my relief, she turned and
reentered the house.
Just as she was closing the door, I
stopped walking.
I had found my daughter, but I still
hadn’t solved my problem.
I wasn’t the only one who knew where
Christina lived. Carmina also knew and I
realized that she wouldn’t stop threatening her… especially knowing that it was
another means of hurting me.
I stood there for a long time… until it
began to pour down raining around me.
As if the rain was sent to clear away my
cloudy thoughts… I suddenly knew what I had to do.
The only way I would be able to keep my
daughter safe would be to stop Carmina for good.
I would have to fix what I had
created.
I walked all the way home with that
thought in my head. By the time I was
standing in our front yard, I had completely talked myself into my plan of
action… the only option.
But, although the what of my mission was clear…
It was the how
and when that I now struggled with. Instead of entering the house I sunk down on
the porch steps feeling overwhelmed.
With my head in my hands, I tried to
think of different scenarios and possibilities. I sat
there
in that same spot for hours getting soaked by the rain…
I sat there and began to make murder
plans.
Labels: I Stole Evil
